Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood and unspoken aspects of healing.
The stages of grief—shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance—are often mistaken as a linear process.
In reality, these stages are cyclical, overlapping, and unpredictable. They can co-occur, appear simultaneously, or resurface unexpectedly, making grief a complex and deeply personal journey. The 'testing' stage, while not part of the original five-stage model, is sometimes included in expanded grief models to reflect the process of seeking solutions and adjusting to loss.
One of the greatest dangers of unprocessed grief is its potential to isolate.
When we don’t know what to do with our grief, we attempt to cover it up, suppress it, or ignore it.
But grief that remains buried does not disappear—it manifests in ways we might not recognize at first.
Grief is a seed—left in the dark, it can grow into a briar patch that traps us. But when nurtured with intention, it can become a field of wildflowers, a testament to our healing.
The choice is ours—to remain entangled or to cultivate something beautiful.
Unprocessed grief leads to irrational thinking and self-destructive behaviors. It can drive individuals back into substance use, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and cycles of self-destruction.
In my journey, I’ve seen how grief can turn inward, transforming into internalized anger, shame, and guilt, creating a pressure cooker of unresolved pain.
Grief is not just about loss—it also includes moral injury.
Moral injury is the distressing psychological, behavioral, social, and sometimes spiritual aftermath of exposure to trauma that conflicts with one’s core values and beliefs.
Unlike PTSD, which is primarily fear-based, moral injury is rooted in guilt, shame, and the violation of deeply held principles.
Moral injury often arises when individuals feel they have betrayed themselves or others, or when they are placed in situations that conflict with their ethical or moral code.
The symptoms of PTSD and moral injury can mimic each other, but they stem from different sources. PTSD is mainly physiological, a survival response to fear and trauma, whereas moral injury strikes at the core of identity and ethics.
A powerful way to understand shame is through an acronym: Self-Hatred At My Expense.
Shame fuels self-destruction, reinforcing the belief that we are unworthy of healing, of peace, of forgiveness. And yet, grief—when faced, processed, and honored—becomes a necessary element of healing.
Grief needs to be uprooted, examined, and integrated.
It cannot be ignored or numbed without consequence.
The work of healing means sitting with grief, understanding its weight, and transforming it into wisdom rather than allowing it to become a life sentence of pain.
Healing from PTSD, moral injury, and grief is not about erasing the past but about making peace with it. It’s about taking the pain we’ve endured and shaping it into something meaningful, something that no longer controls us but instead informs our growth.
The path forward begins by acknowledging that grief is not the enemy—it is the teacher. It is a normal, essential part of being human. And when we allow ourselves to move through it instead of against it, we reclaim our power, our peace, and our ability to truly live.
Processing grief takes time, but facing it head-on allows us to move forward with strength and purpose.
Ready to Process, Heal, and Grow?
Grief, trauma, and moral injury don’t have to keep you stuck. With the right tools and support, you can move from survival to growth—transforming pain into wisdom and reclaiming your sense of self.
At Evolving Guidance, I offer breathwork sessions and coaching designed to help you navigate grief, release stored trauma, and reconnect with your inner strength. If you’re ready to take the next step on your healing journey:
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You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s walk this path together.
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